“What will other people say?” — Navigating the struggle between following your own desires and worrying about judgment.
How many times have you heard, “What will people think? What will they say? You have to protect the family name.” Some of my favorite work includes breaking through the narrative of “What will people say?” - a question that is usually culturally-rooted. Many of us navigate through life shaped by the perceptions and judgments of those around us. This cultural conditioning often instills a fear of public opinion, whether it relates to our career paths, personal relationships, or even simple daily choices like what to wear. Throughout our formative years, the emphasis on conformity can lead to a hesitance to pursue what we genuinely desire.
This ingrained apprehension often results in living a life that feels more like an obligation than a reflection of our true selves. Over time, the fear of judgment can stifle creativity, ambitions, and authentic decision-making. It can lead to a cycle where we prioritize external validation over internal fulfillment. The impact of an upbringing rooted in “What will people think?” can lead to difficulty making decisions in adulthood, stress and anxiety when making choices, a worry about being judged by others, fear of rejection, and difficulty accepting our true selves. Feelings that can arise include guilt, shame, resentment, self-doubt, anger, sadness, anxiety, and stress, amongst others.
People wonder, “Will I be accepted for who I truly am?” “Will people still love me if I speak my mind?” “Am I good enough?” “Is this the right thing to do?”
Recognizing this pattern of thinking is the first step toward reclaiming our autonomy. By acknowledging the influence of others’ judgments, we can gradually learn to prioritize our needs and desires. Engaging in self-reflection and setting boundaries can empower us to make choices aligned with our values rather than those dictated by fear. Embracing our authentic selves, regardless of external opinions, can lead to a more meaningful and satisfying life.
In a collectivistic culture, this tension may be even more pronounced. The pressure to conform can be debilitating, making it difficult to express individuality. Yet, it is essential to recognize that personal growth begins when we can truly release the burden of others' opinions. In any circumstance, it is important that you can explore what values are most important to you. You are able to choose which culturally rooted values you wish to embrace, and which you choose to leave behind.
Navigating the delicate dance between our culture of origin and the dominant culture is truly a balancing act. We may find ourselves feeling deep pride in the traditions and values we were born into while simultaneously questioning or rejecting aspects of these ideologies that don't resonate with us. Conversely, we might embrace certain elements of the dominant culture, only to find conflict with some of its principles. Liberation occurs when we understand that our cultural identity is not strictly defined in black and white, but rather exists in shades of gray. As fluid bicultural beings, we learn to navigate a rich tapestry of beliefs, practices, and lifestyles, carving out a unique space that allows for both acceptance and resistance. This journey toward self-discovery, autonomy, and confidence fosters a deeper connection to our multifaceted identities, encouraging us to honor the threads of who we are, where we come from, and where we are headed.
Acknowledging and confronting your feelings is a crucial step towards introspection. Embrace the idea that your worth is not determined by external perceptions but by your own values and goals. Together, we can explore paths that allow you to thrive as your authentic self while navigating the demands of societal expectations. Finding meaning in your life is a goal worth pursuing, and I am here to support you every step of the way.
If you are searching for value and meaning in your life, and would like to rid of yourself of the conflict between pursuing your desires and worrying about what others will think, please contact me to learn about how I can support you.
